Re-run Tuesday

This is from 2011 but is appropriate for the season. The groups I play in are smack in the middle of concert season and we've been playing Christmas and chanukah music for weeks.

 Here are some thoughts I had about it a couple of years ago. 

Saying goodbye to my alien baby

For years I have had this little bump in my belly that stayed smallish and never really bothered me, and I knew it wasn't anything serious but I didn't really know what it was. As it got bigger my son asked me what it was, and I told him it was my alien baby, and that one day he would have a little brother or sister with a long, skinny neck and and the ability to ride a bicycle up to the moon. He didn't laugh--he's never really appreciated my humor.

This year my bump had become bothersome and it really showed through my shirt, so I decided to have it looked at. The surgeon told me it was an umbilical hernia and that he would go in through my belly button with a scope and fix it by putting a patch on it. No big deal, according to him. But you'd be surprised that once you start telling people you're going to have this done, just how many people have had it done too. I think in my tiny circle of friends I counted five. And best part is how much they tell you it's going to hurt.

Now, I'm not scared of pain, but I have so many things I want to do this fall and I would be so disappointed if I couldn't to them. Plus, I also have to lift, push, pull, drag and be dragged by dogs all over the place as part of my job and much of the time I'm a staff of one. But it had to be done and yesterday was the day.

My surgeon gave me my choice of venues and I picked the new University Hospital Ahuja Medical center on Richmond Road in Beechwood, because the commercials on the radio make it sound so nice (and aren't radio ads the very best to select a hospital?). I gotta tell you, it really is! It's gorgeous, spacious, bright and open. They have very comfortable seating for all sized people. They have computers in the surgery waiting room for family to use, and you can use a cell phone any time you want. There is also a huge screen that has color coded updates on all surgery patients so people waiting can see at a glance if you're in pre-op, post op, etc. I think there was even a color for "He's just changed out of his clothes and into that little gown where the back flies open.."

By my count I had seven different nurses (not counting the ones who were there only when I was asleep) and they were all super nice. Anyway, it was all uneventful and I came home the same day. I'm on some pretty good drugs and I've slept a lot, but in between naps I'm watching 'Dexter' on DVD and re-reading Harry Potter.

As for the kennel. I have plenty of help for a couple more weeks, until Lauren goes back to school, and by then I'm supposed to be able to resume my normal activities according to my doctor. But the unknown is how much all the bending and lifting I have to do will hurt, and for how long. 

The other unknown is that what if it really was an alien baby, and this has been a giant conspiracy to get me to the hospital so they could deliver it? What if somewhere out there is a creature with smooth gray skin, giant black eyes, four arms and an IQ of 792? And how awesome a drummer would a guy with four arms be?

The obligatory "Best of 2010" awards

As a blogger I'm required by law to produce an end of the year, 'Best of 2010' list. I had no idea about this until late yesterday afternoon I got an email from President Obama reminding me of my obligation. He said, "Mr. Sharp, I've been scanning all the blogs in the U.S. and it seems the only two blogs that have not completed their 'Best of 2010' posts are you and a tiny blog by a guy who can play the National Anthem entirely by cracking his knuckles. I'm in Hawaii right now but I've taken my laptop with me and am checking every couple of hours. Please complete your list as soon as possible so I may focus on making sure Dick Clark is ready for New Year's Eve."

I had no idea the president was such a micro-manager. So in order to keep the feds off my case, here goes.

Best of 2010

Best dog that isn't mine: Olive, the French bulldog
Best cat that isn't mine: none
Best TV show recommended to me by my daughter: 'Modern Family'
Best beer: Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold (that was the 2009 winner too)
Best vodka: Still Water made in a Canadian micro distillery by (shameless promotion alert) my daughter's boyfriend's father.
Best restaurant discovery: The Crossings in Aurora down by the tracks.
Best movie: Harry Potter 7-A
Best drum solo: 'Grandfather's Drum,' performed by me in the summer concert season of the Trinity Concert Band.
Best clarinet accompaniment on 'Grandfather's Drum':  Barry Simpson.
Best wife: Mine, for 28 years running
Best kids: Not mine.
Best kids at tolerating dad's "humor": Mine
Best episode of 'Rescue Me': The one where Tommy gets drunk and really screws things up...wait, that's all of them.
Best blog: I cannot name it because it contains a word that is not in keeping with the family nature of this blog, plus it's pretty much defunct. It was a shooting star.
Best TV show that was on for a really long time and finally ended: 'At the Movies'
Best Second Best TV show that ended: '24'
Best outpatient surgery: I'm sorry but HIPA prevents me from disclosing.
Best 'Glee' moment: Do I seem like someone who watches 'Glee?'
Best confession: I AM someone who watches 'Glee.'
Best 'Glee' character: Brittany
Best Best Dressed Best Man to go into a Best Buy with his BFF: Unfortunately there were no entrants in this category

So Mr. President, I hope you're happy. And let me know if you need a place to board Bo. We do require all the shots be current, and we can allow up to three Secret Service personnel to sleep in the kennel with him. They would totally make my 2011 Best of list under the category Best Guys With Semi-Automatic Weapons to Sleep in the Corner on a Pile of Blankets.