Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Saying goodbye to my alien baby

For years I have had this little bump in my belly that stayed smallish and never really bothered me, and I knew it wasn't anything serious but I didn't really know what it was. As it got bigger my son asked me what it was, and I told him it was my alien baby, and that one day he would have a little brother or sister with a long, skinny neck and and the ability to ride a bicycle up to the moon. He didn't laugh--he's never really appreciated my humor.

This year my bump had become bothersome and it really showed through my shirt, so I decided to have it looked at. The surgeon told me it was an umbilical hernia and that he would go in through my belly button with a scope and fix it by putting a patch on it. No big deal, according to him. But you'd be surprised that once you start telling people you're going to have this done, just how many people have had it done too. I think in my tiny circle of friends I counted five. And best part is how much they tell you it's going to hurt.

Now, I'm not scared of pain, but I have so many things I want to do this fall and I would be so disappointed if I couldn't to them. Plus, I also have to lift, push, pull, drag and be dragged by dogs all over the place as part of my job and much of the time I'm a staff of one. But it had to be done and yesterday was the day.

My surgeon gave me my choice of venues and I picked the new University Hospital Ahuja Medical center on Richmond Road in Beechwood, because the commercials on the radio make it sound so nice (and aren't radio ads the very best to select a hospital?). I gotta tell you, it really is! It's gorgeous, spacious, bright and open. They have very comfortable seating for all sized people. They have computers in the surgery waiting room for family to use, and you can use a cell phone any time you want. There is also a huge screen that has color coded updates on all surgery patients so people waiting can see at a glance if you're in pre-op, post op, etc. I think there was even a color for "He's just changed out of his clothes and into that little gown where the back flies open.."

By my count I had seven different nurses (not counting the ones who were there only when I was asleep) and they were all super nice. Anyway, it was all uneventful and I came home the same day. I'm on some pretty good drugs and I've slept a lot, but in between naps I'm watching 'Dexter' on DVD and re-reading Harry Potter.

As for the kennel. I have plenty of help for a couple more weeks, until Lauren goes back to school, and by then I'm supposed to be able to resume my normal activities according to my doctor. But the unknown is how much all the bending and lifting I have to do will hurt, and for how long. 

The other unknown is that what if it really was an alien baby, and this has been a giant conspiracy to get me to the hospital so they could deliver it? What if somewhere out there is a creature with smooth gray skin, giant black eyes, four arms and an IQ of 792? And how awesome a drummer would a guy with four arms be?


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Hair, hair, everywhere, and all the boarders did shrink

This has been a hairy year. I don't mean 'skidding through a snowy mountain pass' hairy but actually hairy. Dog hairy. I have to guess it's a combination of weather and, well, weather, that is causing dogs to leave large amounts of themselves with us after they leave.

Pippen, for example, has been here several times this summer and we can barely get rid of one batch of hair when she comes again and we have to start all over. We vacuum, we hose, we sweep, we think we've gotten it all, then a puff of breeze makes a little hair tumbleweed roll across the floor, and in our best Seinfeld imitation we say, "Pippen."


It just seems late to me for all this shedding. Why can't they have a week in spring and a week in fall when they drop all their hair. We're going to just finish the spring/summer shed and they'll start getting their coats ready for winter. When my parents got an Akita, the breeder told them they only blow coat twice a year. My mom says, "Yeah, twice a year: January to June and June to January."


One of our dogs, Comet, was a hairy black mix, and every few months we'd start to think he was looking like he'd gained weight. "Time to cut his food a little," we'd say. Then we'd give him a bath and brush out and he looked normal (and we would sheepishly increase his food again).

So the morals of the story are, brushing your dog regularly is a great idea. And use a scale before calling your dog fat.



Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Names, Part 2: Every Name is a Song Cue

Many years ago I had a kennel assistant named Ellie. One day I (unintentionally) snuck up on her while she was bathing a dog named Mickey.  I caught her singing, "Hey Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey." Then she saw me and said, sheepishly. "You weren't supposed to hear that." Maybe not, but she's not the only person to be inspired by dogs' names. With jillions of songs having been recorded it's hard to NOT have one that is brought to mind whenever a Lola or a Mandy visit. Here now are my top song cue names (this will keep you busy for a little while):
 

Layla
Patches
Harmony
Rocket  (but ya gotta see this version too)
Angel
Blondie
O'Reilly 
Sloopy 
Brandy
Denver (apologies for the advertisement)
Duke
Jack
Jet
Koko  but not Coco or Cocoa
Lady
And the one that sticks in my head for days AFTER she leaves Buttercup