Of Ducks and Men

Several days ago my son was mulching the beds next to the house, and when he tried to spread some behind a shrub, there was an explosion of feathers and quacking and a mallard duck rose up and flew away. We looked and there, in a little depression she'd dug right next to the foundation, were ten eggs. Naturally we all had to go back and have a look, then we worried whether we'd scared her away for good.

So I called my favorite optometrist/duck expert, Jim Tomko, who told me that she would indeed be back, and that it would take nearly three weeks for the eggs to hatch. He also said by walking to the nest we'd created a scent trail that predators could follow. Rats!


There's this big tom cat who roams the property and one day I saw him head toward the nest. I got outside in time to see the duck jumping out of the nest, flapping and squawking at the cat. She landed about ten feet away and continued quacking. The cat started checking out the nest. I chased away the cat with hissing sounds, but the duck stayed put. It took the duck about fifteen minutes to go back to the nest and I didn't see the cat again the rest of the day.

So then I felt responsible for the cat knowing where the duck is. I had no idea how much longer until the eggs hatched and there was no way I could watch for the cat 24/7. But my computer faced that window and for as many hours a day as I could I tried to be that duck's guardian angel, even though she probably thought I was just as worrisome as the cat.

A couple of days later I saw a broken shell. Then another. Every day there were one or two or three and the duck would look at me like, 'Guardian angel my tail feathers.' I'm not sure if the cat would eat an egg, but we have raccoons here, too. The last time I saw eggs in the nest there were three. 


Now there are none and she is gone, probably off complaining to her friends about the crappy place she chose to nest and looking at the all other ducks' babies with a broken heart. 

Now, I know this sort of thing takes place all the time, but it's usually out in the woods somewhere, or next to the pond. Ducks lay eggs. Egg eating creatures try to take those eggs. Ducks hope they've lain enough eggs to outlast the onslaught. If some manage to hatch, they're still lucky if even one makes it to adulthood. This is all fine and good, but not when it plays out right under my dining room window. All I wanted to do was help the duck and there wasn't a thing I could do.

The ducks seriously need to take lessons from the geese. Geese don't care what kind of thing you are, if you get next to the nest, they're coming after you. The male duck was nowhere to be found the entire time, like he was off with his buddies having fun. I hope mama duck found him next to some pond and gave him a piece of her mind.

And if she tries again next year I'm going to hire a sentry with a super soaker. .