Saying goodbye to my alien baby

For years I have had this little bump in my belly that stayed smallish and never really bothered me, and I knew it wasn't anything serious but I didn't really know what it was. As it got bigger my son asked me what it was, and I told him it was my alien baby, and that one day he would have a little brother or sister with a long, skinny neck and and the ability to ride a bicycle up to the moon. He didn't laugh--he's never really appreciated my humor.

This year my bump had become bothersome and it really showed through my shirt, so I decided to have it looked at. The surgeon told me it was an umbilical hernia and that he would go in through my belly button with a scope and fix it by putting a patch on it. No big deal, according to him. But you'd be surprised that once you start telling people you're going to have this done, just how many people have had it done too. I think in my tiny circle of friends I counted five. And best part is how much they tell you it's going to hurt.

Now, I'm not scared of pain, but I have so many things I want to do this fall and I would be so disappointed if I couldn't to them. Plus, I also have to lift, push, pull, drag and be dragged by dogs all over the place as part of my job and much of the time I'm a staff of one. But it had to be done and yesterday was the day.

My surgeon gave me my choice of venues and I picked the new University Hospital Ahuja Medical center on Richmond Road in Beechwood, because the commercials on the radio make it sound so nice (and aren't radio ads the very best to select a hospital?). I gotta tell you, it really is! It's gorgeous, spacious, bright and open. They have very comfortable seating for all sized people. They have computers in the surgery waiting room for family to use, and you can use a cell phone any time you want. There is also a huge screen that has color coded updates on all surgery patients so people waiting can see at a glance if you're in pre-op, post op, etc. I think there was even a color for "He's just changed out of his clothes and into that little gown where the back flies open.."

By my count I had seven different nurses (not counting the ones who were there only when I was asleep) and they were all super nice. Anyway, it was all uneventful and I came home the same day. I'm on some pretty good drugs and I've slept a lot, but in between naps I'm watching 'Dexter' on DVD and re-reading Harry Potter.

As for the kennel. I have plenty of help for a couple more weeks, until Lauren goes back to school, and by then I'm supposed to be able to resume my normal activities according to my doctor. But the unknown is how much all the bending and lifting I have to do will hurt, and for how long. 

The other unknown is that what if it really was an alien baby, and this has been a giant conspiracy to get me to the hospital so they could deliver it? What if somewhere out there is a creature with smooth gray skin, giant black eyes, four arms and an IQ of 792? And how awesome a drummer would a guy with four arms be?